Letting Go

“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”
― Deborah Reber

I have spent too much of my life trying to fix relationships that were in no way fixable. I’ve done it with family, I’ve done it with friends and I’ve done it with lovers. I’ve fought to make things work, to make things better, to make people stay, to make them want me, and love me. In the end the ones who wanted to be there were and the others, well they walked away like I meant nothing. That has been hard for me to accept and be okay with. Now don’t get me wrong, I am in no way saying that I have no fault in how some of these relationships ended. Like most people I’ve made mistakes, I’ve taken others for granted and I accept my share of the blame. In some situations however I feel like I’ve been a good friend, or girlfriend or good person overall. I feel like I’ve wished for the best for others, but haven’t gotten that in return. When I love, I love hard. When I care, I care with everything inside of me. I want the same in return. I know that we are supposed to give without any expectations, I get it, but it’s not right when you constantly give of yourself to others and never get any form of appreciation, any love, or an equal friendship back in return.

I’m tired of trying to make new friends and build new relationships only to end up being hurt by them in the end. I am done. The friends that are in my life right now are the friends that will remain there. I have no space in my heart for new ones, I have no tears left to be built up and then broken. It doesn’t mean that I don’t care, I do. If you ever need me and called I would still be there. But I will not call you and apologize for what I have not done. I will not beg anyone to be a friend because if you were you would know that I’m hurting, you would know that this is wrong. It’s ok, I get it. People have their own lives and their own agendas. It’s time I followed mine just the same. I wish you nothing but the best, always. But I am closing this chapter.

I am done. The END.