“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone
anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over
is yourself.”
― Deborah Reber
― Deborah Reber
I have spent too much of my
life trying to fix relationships that were in no way fixable. I’ve done it with
family, I’ve done it with friends and I’ve done it with lovers. I’ve fought to
make things work, to make things better, to make people stay, to make them want
me, and love me. In the end the ones who wanted to be there were and the
others, well they walked away like I meant nothing. That has been hard for me
to accept and be okay with. Now don’t get me wrong, I am in no way saying that
I have no fault in how some of these relationships ended. Like most people I’ve
made mistakes, I’ve taken others for granted and I accept my share of the
blame. In some situations however I feel like I’ve been a good friend, or
girlfriend or good person overall. I feel like I’ve wished for the best for
others, but haven’t gotten that in return. When I love, I love hard. When I
care, I care with everything inside of me. I want the same in return. I know
that we are supposed to give without any expectations, I get it, but it’s not
right when you constantly give of yourself to others and never get any form of
appreciation, any love, or an equal friendship back in return.
I’m tired of trying to make
new friends and build new relationships only to end up being hurt by them in
the end. I am done. The friends that are in my life right now are the friends
that will remain there. I have no space in my heart for new ones, I have no tears
left to be built up and then broken. It doesn’t mean that I don’t care, I do.
If you ever need me and called I would still be there. But I will not call you
and apologize for what I have not done. I will not beg anyone to be a friend
because if you were you would know that I’m hurting, you would know that this
is wrong. It’s ok, I get it. People have their own lives and their own agendas.
It’s time I followed mine just the same. I wish you nothing but the best,
always. But I am closing this chapter.
I am done. The END.